made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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