She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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