i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize