I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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