Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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