Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize