Sponge bath it is.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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