at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
And then he peed in my hair
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