I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You smell like stripper and shame
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize