he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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