hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize