I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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