and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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