Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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