Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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