looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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