im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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