OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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