The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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