forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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