Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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