Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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