I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize