so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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