"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FUCK WHALES
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