I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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