My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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