I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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