hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize