Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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