I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize