Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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