I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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