Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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