worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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