what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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