also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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