Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize