I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize