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Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Randomize
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