His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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