maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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