I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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