my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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