We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize