Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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