Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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