Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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