i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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