I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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